In my mind he will always be my best friend, my biggest supporter. The guy with a great sense of humor. The guy who went to all my softball games to cheer me on. The guy who could walk into any room and make friends instantly. And the guy who always protected me from anything life threw my way.
But over the years I have watched his body deteriorate and become emotionally detached to everything. I have witnessed first hand the effects of drugs and alcohol. I have seen the life slip out of his eyes.
Although he is still alive, I mourn the person he was before drugs and alcohol swallowed up and spit out his life.
Will I ever get him back? I don’t know and that’s the part that scares me the most. I can always hope though that one day he will decide to make new and healthier choices. But until then, I need to distance myself. It’s too hard to love him right now.